DJ Who Started DJing 2 Months Ago Frustrated He’s Not Headlining Awakenings Festival Yet
A well known DJ from Coeur D’Alene, ID whose name we’ve never heard of before but apparently is called Roberto Kirkland is frustrated he’s not booked to headline the massive Awakenings Festival yet despite his 2 month long DJ career. 19 year old Roberto Kirkland who is still two years too young to legally attend any nightclub in the US became fascinated with techno 2.5 months ago. After purchasing a
SOLOMUN WINS PRESTIGIOUS 2019 CAPEZIO BEST BALLET DANCER OF THE YEAR AWARD
SOLOMUN, worldwide known as the DJ who recently applied for membership of TWTMEPGP has won the 2019 CAPEZIO Best Ballet Dancer of the Year Award. The Capezio Dancer Award is awarded annually since 2001. The winner receives a cash prize of $20,000.00 and it’s the biggest prize available specifically to a dancer in Europe. Nominees are selected by elite members of the most reputable ballet schools of Europe, previous award
ARMIN VAN BUUREN WINS PRESTIGIOUS YOGA TEACHERS ASSOCIATION LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD
The world’s biggest Yoga union, the Yoga Teachers Association, last night honored ARMIN VAN BUUREN its Life Time Achievement award. The Lifetime Achievement Award is awarded by Yoga Teachers Association to yoga instructors who, during their lifetimes, have made creative contributions of outstanding significance to the field of yoga. Armin is all about the ARMIN’ Yoga is a group of physical, mental, and spiritual practices or disciplines which originated in
YOUNG FAN ANGRY DEADMAU5 STOLE THE MASK IDEA FROM MARSHMELLO
11 year old Jesus Hernandez, a big Marshmello fan from San Diego, CA is extremely angry at Deadmau5. Jesus recently went on a YouTube watch binge to check out all the newest Marshmello songs and performances. Suddenly he was confronted by a suggested video from this dude called Deadmau5 of whom he never had heard of before in his life. “Mom.. Mom..!!! this fool stole Marshmello’s DJ mask idea!” The
STUDY CLAIMS DANCE MUSIC WENT FROM THE ORB TO THE BRO
A new study conducted by a research team of the University of Rotterdam concludes dance music has changed over time from THE ORB to THE BRO. The study which lapsed decades documented how the culture related to dance music morphed into something totally different than what once was. When the study started in 1988, The Orb was one of the leading and most trendsetting acts in the scene. Founded by
AND THESE ARE THE WINNERS OF THE DJ MEG TOP 100 2017
It’s that time of the year again that we present the most corrupt list in the entire music industry! The DJ MEG TOP 100 was compiled solely by people who have no knowledge whatsoever of the art of DJ-ing, as well as a bunch of troll farms, fraudsters, real housewives and a crew of Russian election meddlers who happened to have some spare time to troll our list as well.
SUPERSTAR DJS PUZZLED ABOUT DJ WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE SHARED THE STAGE WITH THEM
Many superstar DJs are confused about a local DJ who claims to have shared the stage with them at one point in their career. John Loranger, a local DJ from Boise, ID works as a bartender at The Ethereal; a 1200 person capacity nightclub that regularly books famous EDM DJs from around the world. John taught himself how to DJ with a laptop and a controller and is amateur-level at best. However, since he’s loved
TRUMP THREATENS SHUTDOWN OF EDM IN LIEU OF $1.5B PAYMENT FOR LED WALL
In a bid to fund his proposed giant LED wall, Trump threatens a shutdown of EDM in lieu of a $1.5B down payment. The proposed LED wall would stretch from coast-to-coast and show pictures & video of Trump, Trump Twitter updates, and favorable Trump Fox news items. All this 24/7, 365 days a year. And the LED wall would serve absolutely no purpose at all other than for the heck of it. Democrats:
EMINEM TO RELEASE NEW ALBUM: “GET SLIM OR DIET TRYING”
EMINEM whom we all know as the winner of VH1’s ‘WHITE RAPPER SHOW‘ recently announced his new album GET SLIM OR DIET TRYING. The EDM album which was doctored by Dre is slated for release at the end of June. “Get Slim Or Diet Trying” is made for fitness moms. Back in 2000 or so I had all these screaming teeny bopper fan girls. But they all grew up and had
MOST PARTIES CLAIMED ‘ONE FOR THE BOOKS’ NEVER APPEAR IN ANY BOOK
You know the deal: those promoters who claim their party is always “one for the books.” Now ask yourself: have you ever seen any one of their parties published in books? You answered correctly!! People always tell me GREAT BOOKING! And I’m pretty sure they’re talking about the book, and not the DJ. Meet Yousseff Vanbilderwyk, a veteran promoter from Boston. He has hosted as many as 382 events. 20%
ALEX JONES CONFIRMS ACID HOUSE CAREER IN THE MIDST OF CUSTODY BATTLE
Long suspected acid house producer Alex Jones has now confirmed all the rumors. Alex Jones who is in the midst of a nasty custody battle with his ex-wife is trying his very best to convince the judge in his case the screaming on his famed Infowars show is merely ‘performance art.’ The only thing screaming in my home is my collection of Roland TB 303 distortion pedals!! STATEMENT THROUGH LAWYER
FAILED TECHNO DJ TURNED REALTOR NOW RESIDENCE ADVISOR
MARC LEGERE, once an aspiring techno DJ turned his failing music career around into a thriving real estate business. Marc is now known as The Residence Advisor. And his claim to fame? The housing market! Looking in hindsight, instead of trying to market techno, Residence Advisor turned out to be the best move I ever made Marc: “I grew up in the late 80’s and was inspired by all
DJ Who Started DJing 2 Months Ago Frustrated He’s Not Headlining EDC Yet
A well known DJ from Mukilteo, WA whose name we’ve never heard of before but apparently is called Mason Smith is frustrated he’s not booked to headline the massive EDC Festival yet despite his 2 month long DJ career. 17 year old Mason Smith who is still four years too young to legally attend any nightclub in the US became fascinated with EDM 2.5 months ago. After purchasing a $50 controller
UNITED HIRES BERGHAIN STAFF TO KICK PATRONS OFF PLANES MORE EFFICIENTLY
After overbooking a flight, United Airlines chose to remove four DJs from its flight. These persons were chosen by means of a random lottery system. The house and UK Garage DJs complied, whereas the trance DJ was singing some kind of melancholic melody as she grabbed her carry-on together. However, the last person to be removed from the plane, a leftfield DJ, refused. He was then dragged off the plane by unqualified personnel
WYLDE RUMORS: CAKED UP DENIES STEALING STEVE AOKI’S CAKES
Caked Up in trouble again? Caked up has/have been accused of stealing boatloads of random shit. Such as Deadmau5 drops, sample drops, thievery, and even your grandmother’s toothbrush. Well maybe not that. But a lot. There is a science behind the cake An anonymous source by the name of Fred Vanderwall tells us: “After coming to the conclusion that show is more important than music, the former duo Oscar Wylde
A DJ IMPORTED TRUMP’S SIGNATURE INTO ABLETON AND THE RESULT WAS SAD
An anonymous Macedonian DJ from Macedonia named Davor Bogevsky imported Donald Trump’s signature into Ableton hoping to utilize a winning curve, or lucrative algorithm within, that could earn him millions in Beatport sales. The result however, was SAD. Davor Bogevsky: “I’m a techno producer, but my music does not sell, and I just really wanted to have a Beatport top 10 hit. When I first thought about importing Donald Trump’s signature into
INTELLIGENT DANCE MUSIC ARTIST BANNED FROM GENRE AFTER SCORING LOW IQ TEST
Celebrated Intelligent Dance Music artist Sergey Imalova was celebrated for years within the Intelligent Dance Music community as one of the best IDM producers/DJs. His tracks that usually consisted of a few drum hits and atonal seemingly random synthesizer hits were lauded for its smart use of randomisation. Actually, to be fair, it sounded like nothing but the overdose of reverb & delay made it all worth it. In an
TB 303 RE-RELEASE 40 YEARS DELAYED BECAUSE LEAD ENGINEER KEEPS TWEAKING THE DESIGN
Roland’s absolute mega classic, the TB 303 Bassline synthesizer has awed generations for generations. The squelchy little synth had a rough start when it was initially released….. And more often than not was disposed of. It wasn’t until a few years after it was discontinued that a new phenomenon popped up by the name of acid house. The 303 was key to the sound of the genre, and needless to
STUDY: AMERICAN TEENAGERS RATHER LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS THAN TO TECHNO
What many already suspected is now confirmed by a national study conducted by the University of Boston: American teenagers dislike techno so much, they’d much rather listen to their parents. Techno never had a really good run in the States. Whereas millions of people in Europe embrace the genre, the only bragging rights America has are its invention. Yeah, techno originated in The States, but thereafter was quickly dismissed and
DJ RUNS OUT OF MEMES; ENDS CAREER
A DJ who posted 20 memes a day on social media ran out of memes and subsequently decided to end his career. DJ Jan van Meggelen, a 20 year DJ veteran from Belgium gained thousands of fans online by posting memes all the time. Sometimes he would post a DJ mix, but the amount of likes on those were ten at best. This while likes on his memes reached in