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After many many years, or 3 marriages, 5 kids and +65 pounds later, Roland has finally decided to re-release their TB 303 bassline synthesizer for the millennial generation.

And let’s face it: the millennial generation does not give a single.

Especially not at boutique company clone prices.

But they’re smart, the good people at Roland!

Quintessential for the millennial!

Roland USB TB 303 millennial

The new TB 303 is not a 303. It’s not even an attempt. It’s just a fucking USB stick with a glorified design. Overpriced and about as useful as a pig roast at a bar mitzvah…

And it works very simple.

There are no cut off, resonance, or for that matter any other buttons.

whistle millennialThe user (millennial) just sticks this baby into a CDJ to unleash four hours worth of acid basslines onto the speakers. The user really does not have to do anything for it other than throw their hands in the air and blow on a whistle that comes free with the purchase.

We spoke with a baby boomer for comment

Mike Taylor: “Dude WTF man?! The new TB 303 is not a 303. It’s not even an attempt. It’s just a fucking USB stick with a glorified design. Overpriced and about as useful as a pig roast at a bar mitzvah..”

Oh Roland, to be square, we saw what you did there.

 

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