ROLAND TO RELEASE USB TB 303 FOR MILLENNIAL DJS

ROLAND TO RELEASE USB TB 303 FOR MILLENNIAL DJS

After many many years, or 3 marriages, 5 kids and +65 pounds later, Roland has finally decided to re-release their TB 303 bassline synthesizer for the millennial generation. And let’s face it: the millennial generation does not give a single. Especially not at boutique company clone prices. But they’re smart, the good people at Roland! Quintessential for the millennial! The new TB 303 is not a 303. It’s not even

FAILED TECHNO DJ TURNED REALTOR NOW RESIDENCE ADVISOR

FAILED TECHNO DJ TURNED REALTOR NOW RESIDENCE ADVISOR

MARC LEGERE, once an aspiring techno DJ turned his failing music career around into a thriving real estate business. Marc is now known as The Residence Advisor. And his claim to fame? The housing market! Looking in hindsight, instead of trying to market techno, Residence Advisor turned out to be the best move I ever made Marc: “I grew up in the late 80’s and was inspired by all the

‘AUDIOPHILE’ DJ WHO RIPS ALL HIS TRACKS OFF YOUTUBE BUYS $20,000.00 SOUND SYSTEM

‘AUDIOPHILE’ DJ WHO RIPS ALL HIS TRACKS OFF YOUTUBE BUYS $20,000.00 SOUND SYSTEM

We recently spoke with DJ Jospeh McGregor, a self-described ‘audiophile’ who religiously rips all his music off YouTube. Proudly, he recently bought a $20,000.00 sound system to satisfy his audiophile needs. The sound system which will be installed in his new studio is top of the bill and capable of producing crystal clear sound, in-your-face-bass and angel-like highs. Why pay for music when you can get it for free off YouTube?

DJ Who Started DJing 2 Months Ago Frustrated He’s Not Headlining EDC Yet

DJ Who Started DJing 2 Months Ago Frustrated He’s Not Headlining EDC Yet

A well known DJ from Mukilteo, WA whose name we’ve never heard of before but apparently is called Mason Smith is frustrated he’s not booked to headline the massive EDC Festival yet despite his 2 month long DJ career. 17 year old Mason Smith who is still four years too young to legally attend any nightclub in the US became fascinated with EDM 2.5 months ago. After purchasing a $50 controller

UNITED HIRES BERGHAIN STAFF TO KICK PATRONS OFF PLANES MORE EFFICIENTLY

UNITED HIRES BERGHAIN STAFF TO KICK PATRONS OFF PLANES MORE EFFICIENTLY

After overbooking a flight, United Airlines chose to remove four DJs from its flight. These persons were chosen by means of a random lottery system. The house and UK Garage DJs complied, whereas the trance DJ was singing some kind of melancholic melody as she grabbed her carry-on together. However, the last person to be removed from the plane, a leftfield DJ, refused. He was then dragged off the plane by unqualified personnel

WYLDE RUMORS: CAKED UP DENIES STEALING STEVE AOKI’S CAKES

WYLDE RUMORS: CAKED UP DENIES STEALING STEVE AOKI’S CAKES

Caked Up in trouble again? Caked up has/have been accused of stealing boatloads of random shit. Such as Deadmau5 drops, sample drops, thievery, and even your grandmother’s toothbrush. Well maybe not that. But a lot. There is a science behind the cake An anonymous source by the name of Fred Vanderwall tells us: “After coming to the conclusion that show is more important than music, the former duo Oscar Wylde

AXL ROSE IS REPORTEDLY DATING NICOLE MOUDABER

AXL ROSE IS REPORTEDLY DATING NICOLE MOUDABER

Techno goddess Nicole Moudaber is reportedly dating AXL ROSE, the lead singer of famous rock band AXLS & ROSES. Our shady reporter saw Axl and Nicole when they first met in the parking lot of a random Jack In The Box. It was after a club gig in Dallas in the early morning hours when Nicole thought she recognized Cara Delevingne.. But it turned out to be Axl. It was love

A DJ IMPORTED TRUMP’S SIGNATURE INTO ABLETON AND THE RESULT WAS SAD

A DJ IMPORTED TRUMP’S SIGNATURE INTO ABLETON AND THE RESULT WAS SAD

An anonymous Macedonian DJ from Macedonia named Davor Bogevsky imported Donald Trump’s signature into Ableton hoping to utilize a winning curve, or lucrative algorithm within, that could earn him millions in Beatport sales. The result however, was SAD. Davor Bogevsky: “I’m a techno producer, but my music does not sell, and I just really wanted to have a Beatport top 10 hit. When I first thought about importing Donald Trump’s signature into