20 YEARS AFTER ANNOUNCING HE’S A DJ, GOD IS ABOUT TO DUMP HIS AGENT
20 years after he chose Maxi Priest to tell the world he is a DJ, God is really frustrated with his booking agent. Rumors are he’s about to dump him. Initially when Faithless released the iconic song, God was convinced the bookings would fly in. But after securing a booking agency to represent him, he was disappointed to see no bookings come his way. At all. God can be a
YOUNG FAN ANGRY DEADMAU5 STOLE THE MASK IDEA FROM MARSHMELLO
11 year old Jesus Hernandez, a big Marshmello fan from San Diego, CA is extremely angry at Deadmau5. Jesus recently went on a YouTube watch binge to check out all the newest Marshmello songs and performances. Suddenly he was confronted by a suggested video from this dude called Deadmau5 of whom he never had heard of before in his life. “Mom.. Mom..!!! this fool stole Marshmello’s DJ mask idea!” The
Insanely Popular DOTCOM Finally Reveals His True Identity: MARSHMELLO
MARSHMELLO finally confirmed to be the man behind insanely popular DOTCOM. DOTCOM, whose true identity had been a MASSIVE MYSTERY for years but whose name is Christian Comstock from Philadelphia is finally revealed to be MARSHMELLO. DOTCOM had been a master at hiding who he really is by not wearing his Marshmello mask at most of his DJ Performances. NEW RESEARCH Indeed, had he worn the mask, it would be easy
STUDY CLAIMS DANCE MUSIC WENT FROM THE ORB TO THE BRO
A new study conducted by a research team of the University of Rotterdam concludes dance music has changed over time from THE ORB to THE BRO. The study which lapsed decades documented how the culture related to dance music morphed into something totally different than what once was. When the study started in 1988, The Orb was one of the leading and most trendsetting acts in the scene. Founded by
AND THESE ARE THE WINNERS OF THE DJ MEG TOP 100 2017
It’s that time of the year again that we present the most corrupt list in the entire music industry! The DJ MEG TOP 100 was compiled solely by people who have no knowledge whatsoever of the art of DJ-ing, as well as a bunch of troll farms, fraudsters, real housewives and a crew of Russian election meddlers who happened to have some spare time to troll our list as well.
GUY READS LONG LIST OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS FROM TRUMP’S FIRST 100 DAYS IN OFFICE
A DJ from a local bar in Salt Lake City, UT who is known to have an avid interest in politics was eager to learn about all of the accomplishments of president Trump in his first 100 days in office. When asked, his employer then referenced him to the bathroom where he was told the list was strapped to the bathroom wall. Shop EDM gear </the end>
SUPERSTAR DJS PUZZLED ABOUT DJ WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE SHARED THE STAGE WITH THEM
Many superstar DJs are confused about a local DJ who claims to have shared the stage with them at one point in their career. John Loranger, a local DJ from Boise, ID works as a bartender at The Ethereal; a 1200 person capacity nightclub that regularly books famous EDM DJs from around the world. John taught himself how to DJ with a laptop and a controller and is amateur-level at best. However, since he’s loved
TRUMP THREATENS SHUTDOWN OF EDM IN LIEU OF $1.5B PAYMENT FOR LED WALL
In a bid to fund his proposed giant LED wall, Trump threatens a shutdown of EDM in lieu of a $1.5B down payment. The proposed LED wall would stretch from coast-to-coast and show pictures & video of Trump, Trump Twitter updates, and favorable Trump Fox news items. All this 24/7, 365 days a year. And the LED wall would serve absolutely no purpose at all other than for the heck of it. Democrats:
EMINEM TO RELEASE NEW ALBUM: “GET SLIM OR DIET TRYING”
EMINEM whom we all know as the winner of VH1’s ‘WHITE RAPPER SHOW‘ recently announced his new album GET SLIM OR DIET TRYING. The EDM album which was doctored by Dre is slated for release at the end of June. “Get Slim Or Diet Trying” is made for fitness moms. Back in 2000 or so I had all these screaming teeny bopper fan girls. But they all grew up and had
“THIS GUY IS AN OPINIONATED NUTJOB – READ WHY”
We recently did not catch up with Jay Tripwire, the famed tech house DJ from Canada. No not that kind of tech house and also not that kind of tech house but the good kind of tech house. As we didn’t catch up with him, somehow miraculously we did kind of get his opinion on interviews. Especially those interviews where people catch up with him. JAY TRIPWIRE: “JAY TRIPWIRE IS
MOST PARTIES CLAIMED ‘ONE FOR THE BOOKS’ NEVER APPEAR IN ANY BOOK
You know the deal: those promoters who claim their party is always “one for the books.” Now ask yourself: have you ever seen any one of their parties published in books? You answered correctly!! People always tell me GREAT BOOKING! And I’m pretty sure they’re talking about the book, and not the DJ. Meet Yousseff Vanbilderwyk, a veteran promoter from Boston. He has hosted as many as 382 events. 20%
ALEX JONES CONFIRMS ACID HOUSE CAREER IN THE MIDST OF CUSTODY BATTLE
Long suspected acid house producer Alex Jones has now confirmed all the rumors. Alex Jones who is in the midst of a nasty custody battle with his ex-wife is trying his very best to convince the judge in his case the screaming on his famed Infowars show is merely ‘performance art.’ The only thing screaming in my home is my collection of Roland TB 303 distortion pedals!! STATEMENT THROUGH LAWYER
EDM FANS BLAME UNICORN FRAPPUCCINO ON BLOODY STRONG MOLLY
In the week Starbucks released its new Unicorn Frappuccino, EDM fans are left confused as many are positive they’re still stuck in an extended psychedelic trip from the previous weekend adventures. Bloody dick bugger! […] The Caramel Fraps turned into Unicorn drinks.. WTF? Is this a piss take? As John Hackney entered one of the stores he exclaimed: “Bloody dick bugger! That’s some bloody strong E.. I can’t believe it.. WOW I’m
ROLAND TO RELEASE USB TB 303 FOR MILLENNIAL DJS
After many many years, or 3 marriages, 5 kids and +65 pounds later, Roland has finally decided to re-release their TB 303 bassline synthesizer for the millennial generation. And let’s face it: the millennial generation does not give a single. Especially not at boutique company clone prices. But they’re smart, the good people at Roland! Quintessential for the millennial! The new TB 303 is not a 303. It’s not even
FAILED TECHNO DJ TURNED REALTOR NOW RESIDENCE ADVISOR
MARC LEGERE, once an aspiring techno DJ turned his failing music career around into a thriving real estate business. Marc is now known as The Residence Advisor. And his claim to fame? The housing market! Looking in hindsight, instead of trying to market techno, Residence Advisor turned out to be the best move I ever made Marc: “I grew up in the late 80’s and was inspired by all the
‘AUDIOPHILE’ DJ WHO RIPS ALL HIS TRACKS OFF YOUTUBE BUYS $20,000.00 SOUND SYSTEM
We recently spoke with DJ Jospeh McGregor, a self-described ‘audiophile’ who religiously rips all his music off YouTube. Proudly, he recently bought a $20,000.00 sound system to satisfy his audiophile needs. The sound system which will be installed in his new studio is top of the bill and capable of producing crystal clear sound, in-your-face-bass and angel-like highs. Why pay for music when you can get it for free off YouTube?
DJ Who Started DJing 2 Months Ago Frustrated He’s Not Headlining EDC Yet
A well known DJ from Mukilteo, WA whose name we’ve never heard of before but apparently is called Mason Smith is frustrated he’s not booked to headline the massive EDC Festival yet despite his 2 month long DJ career. 17 year old Mason Smith who is still four years too young to legally attend any nightclub in the US became fascinated with EDM 2.5 months ago. After purchasing a $50 controller
UNITED HIRES BERGHAIN STAFF TO KICK PATRONS OFF PLANES MORE EFFICIENTLY
After overbooking a flight, United Airlines chose to remove four DJs from its flight. These persons were chosen by means of a random lottery system. The house and UK Garage DJs complied, whereas the trance DJ was singing some kind of melancholic melody as she grabbed her carry-on together. However, the last person to be removed from the plane, a leftfield DJ, refused. He was then dragged off the plane by unqualified personnel
WYLDE RUMORS: CAKED UP DENIES STEALING STEVE AOKI’S CAKES
Caked Up in trouble again? Caked up has/have been accused of stealing boatloads of random shit. Such as Deadmau5 drops, sample drops, thievery, and even your grandmother’s toothbrush. Well maybe not that. But a lot. There is a science behind the cake An anonymous source by the name of Fred Vanderwall tells us: “After coming to the conclusion that show is more important than music, the former duo Oscar Wylde
AXL ROSE IS REPORTEDLY DATING NICOLE MOUDABER
Techno goddess Nicole Moudaber is reportedly dating AXL ROSE, the lead singer of famous rock band AXLS & ROSES. Our shady reporter saw Axl and Nicole when they first met in the parking lot of a random Jack In The Box. It was after a club gig in Dallas in the early morning hours when Nicole thought she recognized Cara Delevingne.. But it turned out to be Axl. It was love
