AND THESE ARE THE WINNERS OF THE DJ MEG TOP 100 2017
It’s that time of the year again that we present the most corrupt list in the entire music industry! The DJ MEG TOP 100 was compiled solely by people who have no knowledge whatsoever of the art of DJ-ing, as well as a bunch of troll farms, fraudsters, real housewives and a crew of Russian election meddlers who happened to have some spare time to troll our list as well.
GUY READS LONG LIST OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS FROM TRUMP’S FIRST 100 DAYS IN OFFICE
A DJ from a local bar in Salt Lake City, UT who is known to have an avid interest in politics was eager to learn about all of the accomplishments of president Trump in his first 100 days in office. When asked, his employer then referenced him to the bathroom where he was told the list was strapped to the bathroom wall. Shop EDM gear </the end>
SUPERSTAR DJS PUZZLED ABOUT DJ WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE SHARED THE STAGE WITH THEM
Many superstar DJs are confused about a local DJ who claims to have shared the stage with them at one point in their career. John Loranger, a local DJ from Boise, ID works as a bartender at The Ethereal; a 1200 person capacity nightclub that regularly books famous EDM DJs from around the world. John taught himself how to DJ with a laptop and a controller and is amateur-level at best. However, since he’s loved
TRUMP THREATENS SHUTDOWN OF EDM IN LIEU OF $1.5B PAYMENT FOR LED WALL
In a bid to fund his proposed giant LED wall, Trump threatens a shutdown of EDM in lieu of a $1.5B down payment. The proposed LED wall would stretch from coast-to-coast and show pictures & video of Trump, Trump Twitter updates, and favorable Trump Fox news items. All this 24/7, 365 days a year. And the LED wall would serve absolutely no purpose at all other than for the heck of it. Democrats:
EMINEM TO RELEASE NEW ALBUM: “GET SLIM OR DIET TRYING”
EMINEM whom we all know as the winner of VH1’s ‘WHITE RAPPER SHOW‘ recently announced his new album GET SLIM OR DIET TRYING. The EDM album which was doctored by Dre is slated for release at the end of June. “Get Slim Or Diet Trying” is made for fitness moms. Back in 2000 or so I had all these screaming teeny bopper fan girls. But they all grew up and had
“THIS GUY IS AN OPINIONATED NUTJOB – READ WHY”
We recently did not catch up with Jay Tripwire, the famed tech house DJ from Canada. No not that kind of tech house and also not that kind of tech house but the good kind of tech house. As we didn’t catch up with him, somehow miraculously we did kind of get his opinion on interviews. Especially those interviews where people catch up with him. JAY TRIPWIRE: “JAY TRIPWIRE IS
MOST PARTIES CLAIMED ‘ONE FOR THE BOOKS’ NEVER APPEAR IN ANY BOOK
You know the deal: those promoters who claim their party is always “one for the books.” Now ask yourself: have you ever seen any one of their parties published in books? You answered correctly!! People always tell me GREAT BOOKING! And I’m pretty sure they’re talking about the book, and not the DJ. Meet Yousseff Vanbilderwyk, a veteran promoter from Boston. He has hosted as many as 382 events. 20%
ALEX JONES CONFIRMS ACID HOUSE CAREER IN THE MIDST OF CUSTODY BATTLE
Long suspected acid house producer Alex Jones has now confirmed all the rumors. Alex Jones who is in the midst of a nasty custody battle with his ex-wife is trying his very best to convince the judge in his case the screaming on his famed Infowars show is merely ‘performance art.’ The only thing screaming in my home is my collection of Roland TB 303 distortion pedals!! STATEMENT THROUGH LAWYER
EDM FANS BLAME UNICORN FRAPPUCCINO ON BLOODY STRONG MOLLY
In the week Starbucks released its new Unicorn Frappuccino, EDM fans are left confused as many are positive they’re still stuck in an extended psychedelic trip from the previous weekend adventures. Bloody dick bugger! […] The Caramel Fraps turned into Unicorn drinks.. WTF? Is this a piss take? As John Hackney entered one of the stores he exclaimed: “Bloody dick bugger! That’s some bloody strong E.. I can’t believe it.. WOW I’m
ROLAND TO RELEASE USB TB 303 FOR MILLENNIAL DJS
After many many years, or 3 marriages, 5 kids and +65 pounds later, Roland has finally decided to re-release their TB 303 bassline synthesizer for the millennial generation. And let’s face it: the millennial generation does not give a single. Especially not at boutique company clone prices. But they’re smart, the good people at Roland! Quintessential for the millennial! The new TB 303 is not a 303. It’s not even
FAILED TECHNO DJ TURNED REALTOR NOW RESIDENCE ADVISOR
MARC LEGERE, once an aspiring techno DJ turned his failing music career around into a thriving real estate business. Marc is now known as The Residence Advisor. And his claim to fame? The housing market! Looking in hindsight, instead of trying to market techno, Residence Advisor turned out to be the best move I ever made Marc: “I grew up in the late 80’s and was inspired by all the
‘AUDIOPHILE’ DJ WHO RIPS ALL HIS TRACKS OFF YOUTUBE BUYS $20,000.00 SOUND SYSTEM
We recently spoke with DJ Jospeh McGregor, a self-described ‘audiophile’ who religiously rips all his music off YouTube. Proudly, he recently bought a $20,000.00 sound system to satisfy his audiophile needs. The sound system which will be installed in his new studio is top of the bill and capable of producing crystal clear sound, in-your-face-bass and angel-like highs. Why pay for music when you can get it for free off YouTube?
DJ Who Started DJing 2 Months Ago Frustrated He’s Not Headlining EDC Yet
A well known DJ from Mukilteo, WA whose name we’ve never heard of before but apparently is called Mason Smith is frustrated he’s not booked to headline the massive EDC Festival yet despite his 2 month long DJ career. 17 year old Mason Smith who is still four years too young to legally attend any nightclub in the US became fascinated with EDM 2.5 months ago. After purchasing a $50 controller
UNITED HIRES BERGHAIN STAFF TO KICK PATRONS OFF PLANES MORE EFFICIENTLY
After overbooking a flight, United Airlines chose to remove four DJs from its flight. These persons were chosen by means of a random lottery system. The house and UK Garage DJs complied, whereas the trance DJ was singing some kind of melancholic melody as she grabbed her carry-on together. However, the last person to be removed from the plane, a leftfield DJ, refused. He was then dragged off the plane by unqualified personnel
WYLDE RUMORS: CAKED UP DENIES STEALING STEVE AOKI’S CAKES
Caked Up in trouble again? Caked up has/have been accused of stealing boatloads of random shit. Such as Deadmau5 drops, sample drops, thievery, and even your grandmother’s toothbrush. Well maybe not that. But a lot. There is a science behind the cake An anonymous source by the name of Fred Vanderwall tells us: “After coming to the conclusion that show is more important than music, the former duo Oscar Wylde
AXL ROSE IS REPORTEDLY DATING NICOLE MOUDABER
Techno goddess Nicole Moudaber is reportedly dating AXL ROSE, the lead singer of famous rock band AXLS & ROSES. Our shady reporter saw Axl and Nicole when they first met in the parking lot of a random Jack In The Box. It was after a club gig in Dallas in the early morning hours when Nicole thought she recognized Cara Delevingne.. But it turned out to be Axl. It was love
A DJ IMPORTED TRUMP’S SIGNATURE INTO ABLETON AND THE RESULT WAS SAD
An anonymous Macedonian DJ from Macedonia named Davor Bogevsky imported Donald Trump’s signature into Ableton hoping to utilize a winning curve, or lucrative algorithm within, that could earn him millions in Beatport sales. The result however, was SAD. Davor Bogevsky: “I’m a techno producer, but my music does not sell, and I just really wanted to have a Beatport top 10 hit. When I first thought about importing Donald Trump’s signature into
INTELLIGENT DANCE MUSIC ARTIST BANNED FROM GENRE AFTER SCORING LOW IQ TEST
Celebrated Intelligent Dance Music artist Sergey Imalova was celebrated for years within the Intelligent Dance Music community as one of the best IDM producers/DJs. His tracks that usually consisted of a few drum hits and atonal seemingly random synthesizer hits were lauded for its smart use of randomisation. Actually, to be fair, it sounded like nothing but the overdose of reverb & delay made it all worth it. In an
TB 303 RE-RELEASE 40 YEARS DELAYED BECAUSE LEAD ENGINEER KEEPS TWEAKING THE DESIGN
Roland’s absolute mega classic, the TB 303 Bassline synthesizer has awed generations for generations. The squelchy little synth had a rough start when it was initially released….. And more often than not was disposed of. It wasn’t until a few years after it was discontinued that a new phenomenon popped up by the name of acid house. The 303 was key to the sound of the genre, and needless to
PIG MASKED BELLAGIO ROBBER ACTUALLY TIESTO’S PROTÉGÉ
It was a scary last night in the wee hours. The Rolex store at the Bellagio was robbed by several men with sledgehammers. And among the purported robbers: a man wearing a pig mask thought to be part of the gang. Yet, after a thorough investigation, Las Vegas PD came to the conclusion the man in the pig mask was actually Tiesto’s protégé. Tiesto who has had a good run in
